Development life cycle in funny way

Monkey and banana

जब तुम "परेशान" होते हो, तभी ऐसा करते हो !

पिताजी के अचानक आ धमकने से पत्नी तमतमा उठी, लगता है बूढ़े को पैसों की ज़रूरत आ पड़ी है, वर्ना यहाँ कौन आनेवाला था ? अपने पेट का गड्ढ़ा तो भरता नहीं, घरवालों का कहाँ से भरोगे ?

मैं नज़रें बचाकर दूसरी ओर देखने लगा ! पिताजी नल पर हाथ-मुँह धोकर सफ़र की थकान दूर कर रहे थे !

इस बार मेरा हा्थ कुछ ज्यादा ही तंग हो गया ! बड़े बटे का जूता फट चुका है ! वह स्कूल जाते वक्त रोज भुनभुनाता है ! पत्नी के इलाज के लिए पूरी दवाइयाँ नहीं खरीदी जा सकीं ! बाबूजी को भी अभी आना था ! घर में बोझिल सी चुप्पी पसरी थी !

खाना खा चुकने पर पिताजी ने मुझे पास बैठने का इशारा किया ! मैं शंकित था कि जरूर कोई आर्थिक समस्या लेकर आये होंगे ?.

पिताजी कुर्सी पर उकड़ू बैठ गए। एकदम बेफिक्र ! " सुनो " कहकर उन्होंने मेरा "ध्यान "अपनी" ओर खींचा !

मैं सांस रोक कर उनके मुँह की ओर देखने लगा ? रोम-रोम कान बनकर अगला वाक्य सुनने के लिए चौकन्ना था !

वे बोले; खेती के काम में "घड़ी भर" की भी फुर्सत नहीं मिलती ! इस बखत काम का जोर है ! रात की गाड़ी से "वापस' जाऊँगा ! तीन महीने से तुम्हारी कोई चिट्ठी तक नहीं मिली ! जब तुम "परेशान" होते हो, तभी ऐसा करते हो ! 

उन्होंने "जेब" से सौ-सौ के "दस नोट" निकालकर "मेरी" तरफ बढ़ा दिए, "रख लो ! तुम्हारे काम आएंगे ! धान की "फसल" अच्छी हो गई थी ! घर में कोई दिक्कत नहीं है ! तुम बहुत कमजोर लग रहे हो ! ढंग से खाया - पिया करो ! बहू का भी ध्यान रखो।" मैं कुछ नहीं बोल पाया ! शब्द जैसे मेरे हलक में फंसकर रह गये हों !

मैं कुछ कहता इससे पूर्व ही पिताजी ने प्यार से डांटा, ले लो ! बहुत बड़े हो गये हो क्या ? 

"नहीं तो ! मैंने हाथ बढ़ाया ! 

पिताजी ने नोट मेरी "हथेली" पर रख दिए !

बरसों पहले पिताजी मुझे स्कूल भेजने के लिए इसी तरह हथेली पर "अठन्नी" टिका देते थे ! ..... 

पर तब मेरी नज़रें "आज की तरह" झुकी नहीं होती थीं ..

Friendship Rocks...!

A Guy went to a Bar & orders 3 mugs of Beer & was drinking one by one from every mug. 

Bar attender asked him the reason.

Guy said: We were 3 friends & each of us r in different cities now and v had decided that all 3 of us will drink always like this. 

This went on for yrs. & yrs.

Once the guy came and asked only for 2 mugs. 

Bar attender consoled him, asking whether anyone is no more/passed away. 

The guy said " all are very much alive,

"ACTUALLY, I HAVE QUIT DRINKING!" 

Friendship Rocks...! 

Ice cream costs Rs 15 to a boy

A 9 Year Boy went to an ICE CREAM shop. 

Waiter- What do you want? 

Boy- How much a CONE ICE CREAM costs? 

Waiter- Rs.15/- Then the BOY checked his pocket & asked cost of small cone? 

Irritated Waiter angrily said- Rs.12/-. 

Boy ordered a small cone, had it, paid bill & left. When the waiter came to pick the EMPTY PLATE tears rolled down from his eyes. The boy had left Rs.3 as Tip for him. “MAKE EVERYONE HAPPY WITH SOMETHING YOU HAVE”.

Kitchen vs Driving

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.

Suddenly, her husband came into the kitchen.

"Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them!

TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER?

They're going 2 STICK! Careful.. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL!

You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind?

Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget that. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"

The wife stared at him. "What is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."

Economics of a Bank Robbery

There was this robbery in Guangzhou, the robber shouted to everyone: "All don't move, money belongs to the state, life belongs to you".

Everyone in the bank laid down quietly.

This is called "Mind Changing Concept --> Changing the conventional way of thinking".
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One lady lay on the table provocatively, the robber shouted at her "Please be civilised! This is a robbery and not a rape!"

This is called "Being Professional --> Focus only on what you are trained to do!"
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When the robbers got back, the younger robber (MBA trained) told the older robber (who is only primary school educated), "Big bro, let's count how much we got", the older robber rebutted and said, "You very stupid, so much money, how to count, tonight TV will tell us how much we robbed from the bank!"

This is called "Experience --> nowadays experience is more important than paper qualifications!"
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After the robbers left, the bank manager told the bank supervisor to call the police quickly. The supervisor says "Wait, wait wait, let's put the 5 million RMB we embezzled into the amount the robbers robbed".

This is called "Swim with the tide --> converting an unfavorable situation to your advantage!"
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The supervisor says "It will be good if there is a robbery every month".

This is called "Killing Boredom --> Happiness is most important."
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The next day, TV news reported that 100 million RMB was taken from the bank. The robbers counted and counted and counted, but they could only count 20 million RMB. The robbers were very angry and complained "We risked our lives and only took 20 million RMB, the bank manager took 80 million RMB with a snap of his fingers. It looks like it is better to be educated than to be a thief!"

This is called "Knowledge is worth as much as gold!"
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The bank manager was smiling and happy because his loss in the CINOPEC shares are now covered by this robbery.

This is called "Seizing the opportunity --> daring to take risks!"

How many of you love your husbands?

There was a group of women gathered at a seminar on how to live in a loving relationship with your husband.

The women were asked, 'How many of you love your husbands?'

All the women raised their hands.

Then they were asked, 'When was the last time you told your husband you loved him?'
Some women answered today, some yesterday, some didn't remember..

The women were then told to take their cell phones and send the following text to their respective husband: I love you, sweetheart.
Then the women were told to exchange phones and read the responding text messages.

Here are some of the replies:

1. Eh, mother of my children, are you sick?

2. What now? Did you crash the car again?

3. I don't understand what you mean?

4. What did you do now? I won't forgive you this time!!!

5. ?!?

6. Don't beat about the bush, just tell me how much you need?

7. Am I dreaming? ???????

8. If you don't tell me who this message is actually for, you will die today...!!!

9. I asked you not to drink anymore!!

and the best one

10. Who is this?

Left keys in the car

After a meeting I was coming out of a hotel and I was looking for my car keys. They were not in my pockets. A quick search in the meeting room... it wasn't there.

Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the car. My husband has shouted many times for leaving the keys in the ignition. My theory is, the ignition is the best place not to lose them. His theory is that the car will be stolen. Immediately I rushed to the parking lot, I came to a terrifying conclusion. His theory was right. The parking lot was empty.

I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, car number and description of the place where I parked etc. I equally confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen.

Then I made the most difficult call of all, to my husband!!! 

"Honey," I stammered; I always call him "honey" in times like these.

"I left my keys in the car, and it has been stolen.

" There was a period of silence. I thought the call had been dropped, but then I heard his voice. 

"Idiot", he shouted, "I dropped you at the hotel !"

Now it was my time to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, "Well, come and get me."

He shouted again, "I will, as soon as I manage to convince this policeman that I have not stolen your car."

What happens when a desi returns from USA?

21. Tries to use Credit Card in road side Hotel.

20. Drinks and carries Mineral Water and always speaks of Health. (proving to be very health conscious).

19. Sprays DEO such so that he doesn't need to take bath.

18. Sneezes and says 'Excuse me'.

17. Says "Hey" instead of "Hi".

Says "Yogurt" instead of "Curds".

Says "Cab" instead of "Taxi".

Says "Candy" instead of "Chocolate".

Says "Cookie" instead of "Biscuit".

Says "Free Way" instead of "Highway".

Says "Got To Go" instead of "Have To Go".

Says "Oh" instead of "Zero", (for 704, says Seven Oh Four Instead of Seven Zero Four)

16. Doesn't forget to crib about air pollution. Keeps cribbing every time he steps out.

15. Says all the distances in Miles (Not in KiloMeters), and counts in Millions.(Not in Lakhs)

14. Tries to figure all the prices in Dollars as far as possible (but deep down the heart multiplies by 43 times).

13. Tries to see the % of fat on the cover of a milk pocket.

12. When need to say Z (zed), never says Z (Zed), repeats "Zee" several times, if the other person unable to get, then says X, Y, Zee (but never says Zed).

11. Writes date as MM/DD/YYYY & on watching traditional DD/MM/YYYY, says "Oh! British Style!!!!"

10. Makes fun of Indian Standard Time and Indian Road Conditions.

9. Even after 2 months, complaints about "Jet Lag".

8. Avoids eating more chili (hot) stuff.

7. Tries to drink "Diet Coke", instead of Normal Coke.

6. Tries to complain about any thing in India as if he is experiencing it for the first time.

5. Pronounces "schedule" as "skejule", and "module" as "Mojule".

4. Looks suspiciously towards Hotel/Dhaba food.

Few more important stuffs:-

3. From the luggage bag, does not remove the stickers of Airways by which he traveled back to India, even after 4 months of arrival.

2. Takes the cabin luggage bag to short visits in India, tries to roll the bag on Indian Roads.

And The Ultimate One:-

1. Tries to begin conversation with "In US ...." or "When I was in US..."

Keep smiling :)

khane main kya banau?

Wife: khane main kya banau?
Huband: kuch bhi bana lo.. kya banaogi?
Wife: jo aap kaho
Husband: dal chawal bana lo
Wife: subah hi toh khaye the
Husband: toh roti sabzi bana lo
Wife: bachche nahi khayenge
Husband: toh chhole puri bana lo
Wife: mujhe fried cheezon se heavy lagta hai
Husband: egg bhurji bana lo
Wife: aaj thursday hai
Husband: paranthe? 
Wife: raat ko paranthe nahi khana chahiye
Husband: hotel se mangwa lete hain
Wife: roz roz bahar ka nahi khana chahiye
Husband: kadhi chawal?
Wife: dahi nahi hai
Husband: idly sambhar?
Wife: time lagega...pehle bolna tha na!!
Husband: ek kaam karo maggi bana lo
Wife: pet nahi bharta maggi se
Husband: toh phir kya banaogi?
Wife: jo aap bolo.
:D :P

Beautiful story.....A very poor man lived with his wife

Beautiful story.....A very poor man lived with his wife.

One day, his wife, who had very long hair asked him to buy her a comb for her hair to grow well and to be well-groomed.

The man felt very sorry and said no. He explained that he did not even have enough money to fix the strap of his watch he had just broken.

She did not insist on her request.

The man went to work and passed by a watch shop, sold his damaged watch at a low price and went to buy a comb for his wife.

He came home in the evening with the comb in his hand ready to give to his wife.

He was surprised when he saw his wife with a very short hair cut.

She had sold her hair and was holding a new watch band.

Tears flowed simultaneously from their eyes, not for the futility of their actions, but for the reciprocity of their love.

MORAL: To love is nothing, to be loved is something but to love and to be loved by the one you love,that is EVERYTHING. Never take love for granted.

फैसला उल्लु के पक्ष में

एक बार एक हंस और हंसिनी हरिद्वार के सुरम्य वातावरण से भटकते हुए उजड़े, वीरान और रेगिस्तान के इलाके में आ गये ! हंसिनी ने हंस को कहा कि ये किस उजड़े इलाके में आ गये हैं ? यहाँ न तो जल है, न जंगल और न ही ठंडी हवाएं हैं ! यहाँ तो हमारा जीना मुश्किल हो जायेगा ! भटकते २ शाम हो गयी तो हंस ने हंसिनी से कहा कि किसी तरह आज कि रात बिता लो, सुबह हम लोग हरिद्वार लौट चलेंगे ! 

रात हुई तो जिस पेड़ के नीचे हंस और हंसिनी रुके थे उस पर एक उल्लू बैठा था। वह जोर २ से चिल्लाने लगा। हंसिनी ने हंस से कहा, अरे यहाँ तो रात में सो भी नहीं सकते। ये उल्लू चिल्ला रहा है। हंस ने फिर हंसिनी को समझाया कि किसी तरह रात काट लो, मुझे अब समझ में आ गया है कि ये इलाका वीरान क्यूँ है ? ऐसे उल्लू जिस इलाके में रहेंगे वो तो वीरान और उजड़ा रहेगा ही। 

पेड़ पर बैठा उल्लू दोनों कि बात सुन रहा था।

सुबह हुई, उल्लू नीचे आया और उसने कहा कि हंस भाई मेरी वजह से आपको रात में तकलीफ हुई, मुझे माफ़ कर दो। 

हंस ने कहा, कोई बात नही भैया, आपका धन्यवाद ! यह कहकर जैसे ही हंस अपनी हंसिनी को लेकर आगे बढ़ा, पीछे से उल्लू चिल्लाया, अरे हंस मेरी पत्नी को लेकर कहाँ जा रहे हो। 

हंस चौंका, उसने कहा, आपकी पत्नी? अरे भाई, यह हंसिनी है, मेरी पत्नी है, मेरे साथ आई थी, मेरे साथ जा रही है !

उल्लू ने कहा, खामोश रहो, ये मेरी पत्नी है।

दोनों के बीच विवाद बढ़ गया। पूरे इलाके के लोग इक्कठा हो गये। कई गावों की जनता बैठी। पंचायत बुलाई गयी। पंच लोग भी आ गये !  बोले, भाई किस बात का विवाद है ?

लोगों ने बताया कि उल्लू कह रहा है कि हंसिनी उसकी पत्नी है और हंस कह रहा है कि हंसिनी उसकी पत्नी है ! लम्बी बैठक और पंचायत के बाद पञ्च लोग

किनारे हो गये और कहा कि भाई बात तो यह सही है कि हंसिनी हंस की ही पत्नी है, लेकिन ये हंस और हंसिनी तो अभी थोड़ी देर में इस गाँव से चले जायेंगे। हमारे बीच में तो उल्लू को ही रहना है। इसलिए फैसला उल्लू के ही हक़ में ही सुनाना है ! फिर पंचों ने अपना फैसला सुनाया और कहा कि सारे तथ्यों और सबूतों कि जांच करने के बाद यह पंचायत इस नतीजे पर पहुंची है कि हंसिनी उल्लू की पत्नी है और हंस को तत्काल गाँव छोड़ने का हुक्म दिया जाता है ! 

यह सुनते ही हंस हैरान हो गया और रोने, चीखने और चिल्लाने लगा कि पंचायत ने गलत फैसला सुनाया। उल्लू ने मेरी पत्नी ले ली ! रोते- चीखते जब वहआगे बढ़ने लगा तो उल्लू ने आवाज लगाई - ऐ मित्र हंस, रुको ! 

हंस ने रोते हुए कहा कि भैया, अब क्या करोगे ? पत्नी तो तुमने ले ही ली, अब जान भी लोगे ?

उल्लू ने कहा, नहीं मित्र, ये हंसिनी आपकी पत्नी थी, है और रहेगी ! लेकिन कल रात जब मैं चिल्ला रहा था तो आपने अपनी पत्नी से कहा था कि यह इलाका उजड़ा और वीरान इसलिए है क्योंकि यहाँ उल्लू रहता है ! मित्र, ये इलाका उजड़ा और वीरान इसलिए नहीं है कि यहाँ उल्लू रहता है । यह इलाका उजड़ा और वीरान इसलिए है क्योंकि यहाँ पर ऐसे पञ्च रहते हैं जो उल्लुओं के हक़ में फैसला सुनाते हैं !

शायद ६५ साल कि आजादी के बाद भी हमारे देश की दुर्दशा का मूल कारण यही है कि हमने हमेशा अपना फैसला उल्लुओं के ही पक्ष में सुनाया है। इस देश क़ी बदहाली और दुर्दशा के लिए कहीं न कहीं हम भी जिम्मेदार हैं।

An Interesting History of 1752

Here is an interesting historical fact that you probably didn't know, (I sure didn't). Just have a look at the calendar for the month of September 1752. In case you haven't noticed, 11 days are simply missing from the month.

Here's the explanation: This was the month during which England shifted from the Roman Julian Calendar to the Gregorian Calendar.

A Julian year was 11 days longer than a Gregorian year. So, the King of England ordered 11 days to be wiped off the face of that particular month. (A King could order anything, couldn't he?)

So, the workers worked for 11 days less that month, but got paid for the whole month. That's how the concept of "paid leave" was born. Hail the King!!!

In the Roman Julian Calendar, April used to be the first month of the year; but the Gregorian Calendar observed January as the first month. Even after shifting to the Gregorian Calendar, many people refused to give up old traditions and continued celebrating 1st April as the New Year's Day. When simple orders didn't work, the King finally issued a royal dictum; which stated that those who celebrated 1st April as the new year's day would be labelled as fools.

From then on, 1st April became April Fool's Day.

संत और मटकी

एक जगह संत कथा कर रहे थे , उसी समय एक व्यक्ति उठा और संत के गंजे सर पर ठोला मार कर चला गया, और वहा बेठे सभी भक्त जन सोच रहे थे की हम सभी तो गुरु जी को प्रणाम करते है और ये केसा दुष्ट है जो गुरु जी के सर पर ठोला मार रहा है?

सभी भक्तो को बड़ा ही क्रोध आया और कहा की गुरुजी आप आज्ञा दे तो हम इस की पिटाई कर देते है !

गुरु जी ने कहा: क्यों ?

भक्तो ने कहा की : इसने आपके सर पर ठोला मारने का अपराध जो किया है,

गुरु जी ने हँस कर संत वाणी से कहा की : भैया आप 40 चालीस रूपया की एक मटकी लेते हो तो उनपर ठोले मार कर बजा -बजा कर लेते हो की मटकी में कोई नुक्स तो नही है

फिर ये तो मुझे अपना जीवन सोपने जा रहा है, जिसको जिवन सोपने जा रहा हो वो वाकय में गुरु बनाने के लायक है या नही , यही सोच कर मेरे सर को बजा रहा था ..

जिस की सकारात्मक सोच है संत और गुरु उसी को कहते है , जो हर उलटी बात का सीधा मतलब निकाले....!!!