Development life cycle in funny way

Monkey and banana

जब तुम "परेशान" होते हो, तभी ऐसा करते हो !

पिताजी के अचानक आ धमकने से पत्नी तमतमा उठी, लगता है बूढ़े को पैसों की ज़रूरत आ पड़ी है, वर्ना यहाँ कौन आनेवाला था ? अपने पेट का गड्ढ़ा तो भरता नहीं, घरवालों का कहाँ से भरोगे ?

मैं नज़रें बचाकर दूसरी ओर देखने लगा ! पिताजी नल पर हाथ-मुँह धोकर सफ़र की थकान दूर कर रहे थे !

इस बार मेरा हा्थ कुछ ज्यादा ही तंग हो गया ! बड़े बटे का जूता फट चुका है ! वह स्कूल जाते वक्त रोज भुनभुनाता है ! पत्नी के इलाज के लिए पूरी दवाइयाँ नहीं खरीदी जा सकीं ! बाबूजी को भी अभी आना था ! घर में बोझिल सी चुप्पी पसरी थी !

खाना खा चुकने पर पिताजी ने मुझे पास बैठने का इशारा किया ! मैं शंकित था कि जरूर कोई आर्थिक समस्या लेकर आये होंगे ?.

पिताजी कुर्सी पर उकड़ू बैठ गए। एकदम बेफिक्र ! " सुनो " कहकर उन्होंने मेरा "ध्यान "अपनी" ओर खींचा !

मैं सांस रोक कर उनके मुँह की ओर देखने लगा ? रोम-रोम कान बनकर अगला वाक्य सुनने के लिए चौकन्ना था !

वे बोले; खेती के काम में "घड़ी भर" की भी फुर्सत नहीं मिलती ! इस बखत काम का जोर है ! रात की गाड़ी से "वापस' जाऊँगा ! तीन महीने से तुम्हारी कोई चिट्ठी तक नहीं मिली ! जब तुम "परेशान" होते हो, तभी ऐसा करते हो ! 

उन्होंने "जेब" से सौ-सौ के "दस नोट" निकालकर "मेरी" तरफ बढ़ा दिए, "रख लो ! तुम्हारे काम आएंगे ! धान की "फसल" अच्छी हो गई थी ! घर में कोई दिक्कत नहीं है ! तुम बहुत कमजोर लग रहे हो ! ढंग से खाया - पिया करो ! बहू का भी ध्यान रखो।" मैं कुछ नहीं बोल पाया ! शब्द जैसे मेरे हलक में फंसकर रह गये हों !

मैं कुछ कहता इससे पूर्व ही पिताजी ने प्यार से डांटा, ले लो ! बहुत बड़े हो गये हो क्या ? 

"नहीं तो ! मैंने हाथ बढ़ाया ! 

पिताजी ने नोट मेरी "हथेली" पर रख दिए !

बरसों पहले पिताजी मुझे स्कूल भेजने के लिए इसी तरह हथेली पर "अठन्नी" टिका देते थे ! ..... 

पर तब मेरी नज़रें "आज की तरह" झुकी नहीं होती थीं ..

Friendship Rocks...!

A Guy went to a Bar & orders 3 mugs of Beer & was drinking one by one from every mug. 

Bar attender asked him the reason.

Guy said: We were 3 friends & each of us r in different cities now and v had decided that all 3 of us will drink always like this. 

This went on for yrs. & yrs.

Once the guy came and asked only for 2 mugs. 

Bar attender consoled him, asking whether anyone is no more/passed away. 

The guy said " all are very much alive,

"ACTUALLY, I HAVE QUIT DRINKING!" 

Friendship Rocks...! 

Ice cream costs Rs 15 to a boy

A 9 Year Boy went to an ICE CREAM shop. 

Waiter- What do you want? 

Boy- How much a CONE ICE CREAM costs? 

Waiter- Rs.15/- Then the BOY checked his pocket & asked cost of small cone? 

Irritated Waiter angrily said- Rs.12/-. 

Boy ordered a small cone, had it, paid bill & left. When the waiter came to pick the EMPTY PLATE tears rolled down from his eyes. The boy had left Rs.3 as Tip for him. “MAKE EVERYONE HAPPY WITH SOMETHING YOU HAVE”.

Kitchen vs Driving

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.

Suddenly, her husband came into the kitchen.

"Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them!

TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER?

They're going 2 STICK! Careful.. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL!

You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind?

Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget that. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"

The wife stared at him. "What is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."

Economics of a Bank Robbery

There was this robbery in Guangzhou, the robber shouted to everyone: "All don't move, money belongs to the state, life belongs to you".

Everyone in the bank laid down quietly.

This is called "Mind Changing Concept --> Changing the conventional way of thinking".
-------------------------------------------------
One lady lay on the table provocatively, the robber shouted at her "Please be civilised! This is a robbery and not a rape!"

This is called "Being Professional --> Focus only on what you are trained to do!"
-------------------------------------------------
When the robbers got back, the younger robber (MBA trained) told the older robber (who is only primary school educated), "Big bro, let's count how much we got", the older robber rebutted and said, "You very stupid, so much money, how to count, tonight TV will tell us how much we robbed from the bank!"

This is called "Experience --> nowadays experience is more important than paper qualifications!"
-------------------------------------------------

After the robbers left, the bank manager told the bank supervisor to call the police quickly. The supervisor says "Wait, wait wait, let's put the 5 million RMB we embezzled into the amount the robbers robbed".

This is called "Swim with the tide --> converting an unfavorable situation to your advantage!"
-------------------------------------------------

The supervisor says "It will be good if there is a robbery every month".

This is called "Killing Boredom --> Happiness is most important."
-------------------------------------------------

The next day, TV news reported that 100 million RMB was taken from the bank. The robbers counted and counted and counted, but they could only count 20 million RMB. The robbers were very angry and complained "We risked our lives and only took 20 million RMB, the bank manager took 80 million RMB with a snap of his fingers. It looks like it is better to be educated than to be a thief!"

This is called "Knowledge is worth as much as gold!"
-------------------------------------------------

The bank manager was smiling and happy because his loss in the CINOPEC shares are now covered by this robbery.

This is called "Seizing the opportunity --> daring to take risks!"

How many of you love your husbands?

There was a group of women gathered at a seminar on how to live in a loving relationship with your husband.

The women were asked, 'How many of you love your husbands?'

All the women raised their hands.

Then they were asked, 'When was the last time you told your husband you loved him?'
Some women answered today, some yesterday, some didn't remember..

The women were then told to take their cell phones and send the following text to their respective husband: I love you, sweetheart.
Then the women were told to exchange phones and read the responding text messages.

Here are some of the replies:

1. Eh, mother of my children, are you sick?

2. What now? Did you crash the car again?

3. I don't understand what you mean?

4. What did you do now? I won't forgive you this time!!!

5. ?!?

6. Don't beat about the bush, just tell me how much you need?

7. Am I dreaming? ???????

8. If you don't tell me who this message is actually for, you will die today...!!!

9. I asked you not to drink anymore!!

and the best one

10. Who is this?

Left keys in the car

After a meeting I was coming out of a hotel and I was looking for my car keys. They were not in my pockets. A quick search in the meeting room... it wasn't there.

Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the car. My husband has shouted many times for leaving the keys in the ignition. My theory is, the ignition is the best place not to lose them. His theory is that the car will be stolen. Immediately I rushed to the parking lot, I came to a terrifying conclusion. His theory was right. The parking lot was empty.

I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, car number and description of the place where I parked etc. I equally confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen.

Then I made the most difficult call of all, to my husband!!! 

"Honey," I stammered; I always call him "honey" in times like these.

"I left my keys in the car, and it has been stolen.

" There was a period of silence. I thought the call had been dropped, but then I heard his voice. 

"Idiot", he shouted, "I dropped you at the hotel !"

Now it was my time to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, "Well, come and get me."

He shouted again, "I will, as soon as I manage to convince this policeman that I have not stolen your car."