Email Funs

Letters 'a', 'b', 'c' & 'd'

2011-04-03T23:19:00.000+05:30

Do you know ....

Letters 'a', 'b', 'c' & 'd' do not appear anywhere in the spellings of 1 to 99
(Letter 'd' comes for the first time in Hundred)

Letters 'a', 'b' & 'c' do not appear anywhere in the spellings of 1 to 999
(Letter 'a' comes for the first time in Thousand)

Letters 'b' & 'c' do not appear anywhere in the spellings of 1 to 999,999,999
(Letter 'b' comes for the first time in Billion)

And
Letter 'c' does not appear anywhere in in the spellings of entire English Counting

The Luck Factor

2010-11-13T19:17:00.001+05:30

The Luck Factor

How to knot a tie

2010-10-17T21:56:00.001+05:30

http://www.stockmann.lv/portal/2300/

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FppCJ46C31A

Positive Attitude

2010-09-07T23:34:00.000+05:30

A baby mosquito came back after flying the first time. His dad asked him "How do you feel?"
He replied "It was wonderful, Everyone was clapping for me!"

Now that’s what is called “Positive Attitude”

"Only two persons are happy in this world. One is MAD & another is Child. Be a Mad to achieve what U desire… Be a Child to enjoy what U have……."

Class test excuse

2010-08-02T23:36:00.003+05:30

One Night 4 College Students Were Playing Till Late Night And Didn’t Study For The Test Which Was Scheduled For The Next Day.In the morning they thought of a plan. They made themselves look as dirty and weird with grease and dirt. They then went up to the Dean and said that they had gone out to a wedding last night and on their return the tyre of their car burst and they had to push the car all the way back and that they were in no condition to appear for the test.

So the Dean said they can have the re-test after 3 days. They thanked him and said they will be ready by that time.

On the third day they appeared before the Dean. The Dean said that as this was a Special Condition Test, All four were required to sit in separate classrooms for the test. They all agreed as they had prepared well in the last 3 days.

The Test consisted of 2 questions with the total of 100 Marks.

Q.1. Your Name…………………….( 2 MARKS )

Q.2. Which tyre burst?……………( 98 MARKS )

a) Front Left

b) Front Right

c) Back Left

d) Back Right …!!!

Drinking Water at the Correct Time........!!

2010-07-23T22:16:00.002+05:30

Drinking water at the correct time maximizes its effectiveness on the Human body:

- 2 glasses of water after waking up helps activate internal organs
- 1 glass of water 30 minutes before a meal - helps digestion
- 1 glass of water before taking a bath - helps lower blood pressure
- 1 glass of water before going to bed - avoids stroke or heart attack

Give some time to read it!!

2010-05-29T03:43:00.000+05:30

Vivek Pradhan wasn't a happy man. Even the plush comfort of the First Class air-conditioned compartment of the Shatabdi Express couldn't cool his frayed nerves. He was the Project Manager and entitled to air travel. It was not the prestige he sought, he had tried to reason with the admin guy, it was the savings in time.

A PM had so many things to do! He opened his case and took out the laptop, determined to put the time to some good use.

"Are you from the software industry sir," the man beside him was staring appreciatively at the laptop.

Vivek glanced briefly and mumbled in affirmation, handling the laptop now with exaggerated care and importance as if it were an expensive car.

"You people have brought so much advancement to the country sir. Today everything is getting computerized."

'Thanks," smiled Vivek, turning around to give the man a detailed look.

He always found it difficult to resist appreciation. The man was young and stocky like a sportsman. He looked simple and strangely out of place in that little lap of luxury like a small town boy in a prep school. He probably was a Railway sportsman making the most of his free traveling pass.

"You people always amaze me," the man continued, "You sit in an office and write something on a computer and it does so many big things outside."

Vivek smiled deprecatingly. Naivety demanded reasoning not anger. "It is not as simple as that my friend. It is not just a question of writing a few lines. There is a lot of process that goes behind it." For a moment he was tempted to explain the entire Software Development Lifecycle but Restrained himself to a single statement. "It is complex, very complex."

"It has to be. No wonder you people are so highly paid," came the reply.

This was not turning out as Vivek had thought. A hint of belligerence came into his so far affable, persuasive tone.

"Everyone just sees the money. No one sees the amount of hard work we have to put in." "Hard work!" "Indians have such a narrow concept of hard work.

Just because we sit in an air-conditioned office doesn't mean our brows don't sweat. You exercise the muscle; we exercise the mind and believe me that is no less taxing."

He had the man where he wanted him and it was time to drive home the point.

"Let me give you an example. Take this train. The entire railway reservation system is computerized. You can book a train ticket between any two stations from any of the hundreds of computerized booking centers across the country. Thousands of transactions accessing a single database at a given time; concurrency, data integrity, locking, data security. Do you understand the complexity in designing and coding such a system?"

The man was stuck with amazement, like a child at a planetarium. This was something big and beyond his imagination.

"You design and code such things."

"I used to," Vivek paused for effect, "But now I am the project manager,"

"Oh!" sighed the man, as if the storm had passed over, "so your life is easy now."

It was like being told the fire was better than the frying pan. The man had to be given a feel of the heat.

"Oh come on, does life ever get easy as you go up the ladder. Responsibility only brings more work. Design and coding! That is the easier part. Now I don't do it, but I am responsible for it and believe me, that is far more stressful. My job is to get the work done in time and with the highest quality. And to tell you about the pressures! There is the customer at one end always changing his requirements, the user wanting something else and your boss always expecting you to have finished it yesterday."

Vivek paused in his diatribe, his belligerence fading with self-realization. What he had said was not merely the outburst of a wronged man, it was the truth. And one need not get angry while defending the truth. "My friend," he concluded triumphantly, "you don't know what it is to be in the line of fire."

The man sat back in his chair, his eyes closed as if in realization. When he spoke after sometime, it was with a calm certainty that surprised Vivek. "I know sir, I know what it is to be in the line of fire," He was staring blankly as if no passenger, no train existed, just a vast expanse of time.

"There were 30 of us when we were ordered to capture Point 4875 in the cover of the night. The enemy was firing from the top. There was no knowing where the next bullet was going to come from and for whom. In the morning when we finally hoisted the tricolor at the top only 4 of us were alive."

"You are a..."

"I am Subedar Sushant Singh from the 13 J&K Rifles on duty at Peak 4875 in Kargil. They tell me I have completed my term and can opt for a land assignment. But tell me sir, can one give up duty just because it makes life easier. On the dawn of that capture one of my colleagues lay injured in the snow, open to enemy fire while we were hiding behind a bunker. It was my job to go and fetch that soldier to safety. But my captain refused me permission and went ahead himself. He said that the first pledge he had taken as a Gentleman Cadet was to put the safety and welfare of the nation foremost followed by the safety and welfare of the men he commanded. His own personal safety came last, always and every time. He was killed as he shielded that soldier into the bunker. Every morning now as I stand guard I can see him taking all those bullets, which were actually meant for me. I know sir, I know what it is to be in the line of fire."

Vivek looked at him in disbelief not sure of his reply. Abruptly he switched off the laptop. It seemed trivial, even insulting to edit a word document in the presence of a man for whom valor and duty was a daily part of life; a valor and sense of duty which he had so far attributed only to epical heroes.

The train slowed down as it pulled into the station and Subedar Sushant Singh picked up his bags to alight.

"It was nice meeting you sir."

Vivek fumbled with the handshake. This was the hand that had climbed mountains, pressed the trigger and hoisted the tricolor. Suddenly as if by impulse he stood at attention, and his right hand went up in an impromptu salute. It was the least he felt he could do for the country.

PS: The incident he narrates during the capture of Peak 4875 is a true life incident during the Kargil war. Major Vikram Batra sacrificed his life while trying to save one of the men he commanded, as victory was within sight. For this and his various other acts of bravery he was posthumously awarded the Param Vir Chakra - the nation's highest military award.

A Panchatantra story, American banks & lalit modi …

2010-05-20T00:42:00.002+05:30

Something which is crucial to the financial services industry is the concept of being too big to fail, which has been put to good use by Citigroup, Bear Stearns, and Goldman Sachs over the past few years in sucking money from American taxpayers. This beautiful concept was also invented by an Indian - Vishnu Sharma, the author of the Panchatantra, in the story of the Weaver and the Chariot Maker.

The story of the weaver and chariot maker is one of the Panchatantra stories that usually doesn't make it to primary school textbooks or Amar Chitra Katha, mostly because it's full of sex, war, and moral hazard. Since you probably haven't read it, here's a quick summary.

A weaver sees a princess during a festival and falls in love with her. As a weaver, he has no chance of marrying her, so he sinks into depression. His friend, a chariot maker decides to help him out. He designs a flying chariot in the shape of Garuda, dresses the weaver up as Vishnu, and tells him to fly the chariot into the princess's room, tell her that he is Vishnu and wants to marry her Gandharva style. That is, the wedding is kept a secret from everyone except the princess and the faux-Vishnu. The princess agrees, and the weaver comes back every night to consummate the marriage.

Eventually, the maids notice that the princess is spending her days in total bliss, suspect that she's in love, and tell the King. The King asks her what's going on, and she tells him that she's married to Vishnu himself. The King is absolutely delighted, and decides that there's no point in paying tribute to the Chakravarti now that Vishnu himself is on the kingdom's side. The next night, he catches the weaver as he enters the princess's room and asks him to fight the Chakravarti' s army.

The weaver is horrified. Pretending to be Vishnu was fine when it allowed him to make sweet, sweet love to the princess, but taking on the role of Vishnu to face an imperial army single-handed is another thing altogether. On the other hand, if he confesses to the King that he is not actually Vishnu and has been boinking the princess under false pretences for the past month, he will have his head chopped off. So he decides to get on to the battlefield and do the best job he can, while the King is whipping up enthusiasm in the population by telling them that Vishnu himself is going to do all the fighting.

By this time, Garuda (the real one, not the mechanical one) has tipped off Vishnu about what's going on, and warned him that if the fake Vishnu doesn't win the battle, the people of the kingdom will lose all faith in him. Vishnu doesn't want to see this happen, so on the battlefield he enters the weaver's body and annihilates the Chakravarti' s army. The entire army. Every single soldier. After this, the weaver marries the princess, everyone goes on worshipping Vishnu, and the king becomes the new Chakravarti.

The moral is that you should conduct your affairs in such a way that if you fail, it will lead to someone or something even bigger or more powerful failing too. This lets you get away with anything. The weaver got away with having sex with the princess on false pretences (this is rape under Section 375 of the Indian Penal Code), pretending to be a god (awesomely enough, this too is a criminal offence under Section 508), and annihilating an entire army that was fighting a just war - after all, it was the king who broke the treaty (you could make a case for this being genocide under Article 2 of the UN Convention on the Prevention and Punishment of the Crime of Genocide).

American banks and financial institutions were very good at absorbing this lesson, and leveraged themselves up to such an extent that if they failed they would take the global economy down with them. And just as the weaver lived happily ever after with the princess, banks have lived happily ever after with taxpayer-funded bailouts.

But no matter how hard American investment banks try, Indians still remain the masters of this art. If the whole truth surrounding Lalit Modi is revealed, big politicians might be trapped. Modi is, thus, likely to get away lightly -- as is A Raja, who might have given away spectrum at bargain basement rates, but whose sacking would lead to the government collapsing. All this goes to show that no matter what the anguished elderly gentlemen who write letters to the editor feel, Indians are still in touch with our ancient and glorious culture.

HOW SMART IS YOUR RIGHT FOOT?

2010-05-04T09:07:00.000+05:30

It is absolutely true that there are some things that the brain cannot handle.

You have to try this and, it only takes 2 seconds. I could not believe this. Received from an orthopaedic surgeon...This will confuse your mind, and I am sure you will keep trying over and over again to see if you can outsmart your foot, but, you can't. It is pre-programmed in your brain!

1. While sitting at your desk in front of your computer, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles.

2. Now, while doing this, draw the number '6' in the air with your right hand. Your foot will change direction.

Mahatma Gandhi's Talisman

2010-03-28T22:09:00.001+05:30

Those who would have gone through first few pages of any NCERT book, must have noticed this-

"I will give you a talisman. Whenever you are in doubt, or when the self becomes too much with you, apply the following test. Recall the face of the poorest and the weakest person whom you have seen and ask yourself if the step you contemplate is going to be of any use to that person. Will he gain anything by it? Will it restore him to a control over his own life and destiny? In other words, will it lead to Swaraj for the hungry and spiritually starving millions? Then you will find your doubts and yourself melting away."

It has been titled as "Mahatma Gandhi's Talisman" - A charm, something that brings magic if you carry it with you.

Be Willing to Learn

2010-03-21T13:22:00.000+05:30

Many of us are reluctant to learn from the people closest to us — our authorities, colleagues, staff and friends. Rather than being open to learning, we close ourselves off out of embarrassment, fear, stubbornness, or pride. It's almost as if we say to ourselves, "I have already learned all that I can [or want to learn] from this person; there is nothing else I can [or need to] learn."

It's sad, because often the people closest to us know us the best. They are sometimes able to see ways in which we are acting in a self-defeating manner and can offer very simple solutions. If we are too proud or stubborn to learn, we lose out on some wonderful, simple ways to improve our lives.

Remain open to the suggestions of your authorities and other devotees. Ask senior devotees and authorities, "What are some of my blind spots?" By this simple process you end up getting some good advice. It's such a simple shortcut for growth, yet almost no one uses it. All it takes is a little courage and humility, and the ability to let go of your ego. This is especially true if you are in the habit of ignoring suggestions, taking them as criticism.

Pick something that you feel the person whom you are asking is qualified to answer. Sometimes the advice we get usually prevents us from having to learn something the hard way.

I'm still laughing!

2010-03-21T13:21:00.001+05:30

An elderly man on a Moped (two wheeler), looking about 100 years old, pulls up next to a doctor at a street light.

The old man looks over at the sleek shiny car and asks, ' What kind of car ya got there, sonny?'

The doctor replies, ' A Ferrari GTO. It cost half a million dollars ! '

' That's a lot of money,' says the old man.

' Why does it cost so much?'

' Because this car can do up to 320 miles an hour !' states the doctor proudly.

The Moped driver asks, 'Mind if I take a look inside?'

' No problem,' replies the doctor.

So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Then, sitting back on his Moped, the old man says, ' That's a pretty nice car, all right... but I'll stick with my Moped!'

Just then the light changes, So the doctor decides to show the old man just what his car can do.

He floors it, and within 30 seconds. The speedometer reads 160 mph.Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to be getting closer! He slows down to see what it could be And suddenly WHOOOOSSSHHH! Something whips by him going much faster! 'What on earth could be going faster than my Ferrari ?' the doctor asks himself.

He presses harder on the accelerator And takes the Ferrari up to 250 mph. Then, up ahead of him, He sees that it's the old man on the Moped! Amazed that the Moped could pass his Ferrari , he gives it more gas and passes the Moped at 275 mph. And he's feeling pretty good until he looks in his mirror and sees the old man gaining on him AGAIN!

Astounded by the speed of this old guy, He floors the gas pedal and takes the Ferrari all the way up to 320 mph. Not ten seconds later, he sees the Moped bearing down on him again! The Ferrari is flat out, and there's nothing he can do!

Suddenly, the Moped plows into the back of his Ferrari, demolishing the rear end. The doctor stops and jumps out and unbelievably the old man is still alive. He runs up to the banged-up old guy and says, 'I'm a doctor.... Is there anything I can do for you?'

The old man whispers, 'Unhook my suspenders from your side view mirror!'.

How Well It Was Done!

2010-03-10T01:16:00.002+05:30

Three people were laying bricks. A passerby asked them what they were doing. The first one replied, "Don't you see I am making a living?" The second one said, "Don't you see I am laying bricks and making a wall?" The third one said, "I am building a beautiful monument."

Here were three people doing the same thing who had totally different perspectives on what they were doing. They had three very different attitudes about their work. And would their attitude affect their performance? The answer is clearly yes.

Excellence comes when the performer takes pride in doing his best. Every job is a self-portrait of the person who does it, regardless of what the job is, whether washing cars, sweeping the floor or painting a house. Most people forget how fast you did a job, but they remember how well it was done.

If a man is called to be street sweeper, he should sweep streets even as Michelangelo painted, or Beethoven composed music, or Shakespeare wrote poetry. He should sweep streets so well that all the hosts of heaven and earth will pause to say, here lived a great street sweeper who did his job well.

Believe it... You can read it.

2010-03-05T22:46:00.002+05:30

Please try to read this. u can read it..

" I cdnuolt blveiee taht i cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg the phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at cmabrigde uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer inwaht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porblem. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? yaeh and i awlyas thought slpeling was ipmorantt "

Its Our Human Brain..............

2010-02-07T15:27:00.002+05:30

HOW TO IDENTIFY DIFFERENT CITIZENS OF INDIA!

2009-12-11T01:10:00.000+05:30

Scenario 1
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along, sees them and walks on.

That's MUMBAI

----------------------------------------
Scenario 2
Two guys are fighting. Both of them take time out and call their friends on their mobiles. Now 50 guys are fighting.

You are definitely in PUNJAB !!!

----------------------------------------
Scenario 3
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along and tries to make peace. The first two get together and beat him up.

That's DELHI

----------------------------------------
Scenario 4
Two guys are fighting. A crowd gathers to watch. A guy comes along and quietly opens a Chai-stall.

That's AHMEDABAD

----------------------------------------
Scenario 5
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes. He writes a software program to stop the fight. But the fight doesn't stop because of a virus in the program.

That's BANGALORE

----------------------------------------
Scenario 6
Two guys are fighting. A crowd gathers to watch. A guy comes along and quietly says that "AMMA" doesn't like all this nonsense..

Peace settles in...

That's CHENNAI

----------------------------------------
Scenario 7
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along, then a fourth and they start arguing about who's right.

You are in KOLKATA

----------------------------------------
Scenario 8
Two guys are fighting. Third guy comes from nearby house and says, "don't fight in front of my place, go sum where else and keep fighting".

That's KERALA !

----------------------------------------
And the best one is .... Scenario 9
Two guys are fighting. Third guy comes along with a carton of beer. All sit together drinking beer and abusing each other and all go home as friends.

You are in GOA !!!______________

Thinking Out of Box

2009-12-11T01:02:00.001+05:30

Many hundreds of years ago in a small Italian town, a merchant had the misfortune of owing a large sum of money to the moneylender. The moneylender, who was old and ugly, fancied the merchant's beautiful daughter so he proposed a bargain. He said he would forgo the merchant' debt if he could marry the merchant's daughter. Both the merchant and his daughter were horrified by the proposal. The cunning money lender suggested that they let providence decide the matter.

The moneylender told them that he would put a black pebble and a white pebble into an empty bag. The girl would then have to pick one pebble from the bag. If she picked the black pebble, she would become the moneylender's wife and her father's debt would be forgiven. If she picked the white pebble she need not marry him and her father's debt would still be forgiven. But if she refused to pick a pebble, her father would be thrown into jail.

They were standing on a pebble strewn path in the merchant's garden. As they talked, the moneylender bent over to pick up two pebbles. As he picked them up, the sharp-eyed girl noticed that he had picked up two black pebbles and put them into the bag. He then asked the girl to pick her pebble from the bag.

Now, imagine you were standing in the merchant's garden. What would you have done if you were the girl? If you had to advise her, what would you have told her? Careful analysis would produce three possibilities:

1. The girl should refuse to take a pebble.

2. The girl should show that there were two black pebbles in the bag and expose the moneylender as a cheat.

3. The girl should pick a black pebble and sacrifice herself in order to save her father from his debt and imprisonment.

Take a moment to ponder over the story. The above story is used with the hope that it will make us appreciate the difference between lateral and logical thinking. The girl's dilemma cannot be solved with traditional logical thinking.

Think of the consequences if she chooses the logical answers. What would you recommend the girl do? The girl put her hand into the moneybag and drew out a pebble. Without looking at it, she fumbled and let it fall onto the pebble-strewn path where it immediately became lost among all the other pebbles.

"Oh, how clumsy of me," she said. "But never mind, if you look into the bag for the one that is left, you will be able to tell which pebble I picked."

Since the remaining pebble is black, it must be assumed that she had picked the white one. And since the moneylender dared not admit his dishonesty, the girl changed what seemed an impossible situation into an extremely advantageous one.

MORAL OF THE STORY: Most complex problems do have a solution, sometimes we have to think about them in a different way.

What is Politics?

2009-11-24T22:25:00.001+05:30

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, 'What is Politics?'

Dad says, 'Well son, let me try to explain it this way:

I am the head of the family, so call me The Prime Minister. Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government. We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People.

The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we will call him the Future. Now think about that and see if it makes sense.'

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. Later that night,! he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his nappy. So the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny.

He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy says to his father, 'Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now.' The father says, 'Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.'

The little boy replies, 'The prime Minister is screwing the Working Class while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit.'

Sardar - when a Sardar throws a pin at you

2009-11-24T00:18:00.000+05:30

What do you do when a Sardar throws a pin at you?

Run like Hell....he's got a hand grenade in his mouth.

CEO's (of J.P Morgan) Fantastic reply to a Pretty Girl

2009-11-24T00:10:00.001+05:30

A young and pretty lady posted this on a popular forum:

Title: What should I do to marry a rich guy?

I'm going to be honest of what I'm going to say here. I'm 25 this year. I'm very pretty, have style and good taste. I wish to marry a guy with $500k annual salary or above. You might say that I'm greedy, but an annual salary of $1M is considered only as middle class in New York . My requirement is not high. Is there anyone in this forum who has an income of $500k annual salary? Are you all married? I wanted to ask: what should I do to marry rich persons like you? Among those I've dated, the richest is $250k annual income, and it seems that this is my upper limit. If someone is going to move into high cost residential area on the west of New York CityGarden(? ), $250k annual income is not enough.

I'm here humbly to ask a few questions:

1) Where do most rich bachelors hang out? (Please list down the names and addresses of bars, restaurant, gym)

2) Which age group should I target?

3) Why most wives of the riches is only average-looking? I've met a few girls who doesn't have looks & are not interesting, but they are able to marry rich guys

4) How do you decide who can be your wife, & who can only be your girlfriend? (my target now is to get married)

-Ms. Pretty

Awesome reply:

Dear Ms. Pretty,

I have read your post with great interest. Guess there are lots of girls out there who have similar questions like yours. Please allow me to analyse your situation as a professional investor. My annual income is more than $500k, which meets your requirement, so I hope everyone believes that I'm not wasting time here. From the standpoint of a business person, it is a bad decision to marry you. The answer is very simple, so let me explain. Put the details aside, what you're trying to do is an exchange of "beauty" and "money": Person A provides beauty, and Person B pays for it, fair and square. However, there's a deadly problem here, your beauty will fade, but my money will not be gone without any good reason. The fact is, my income might increase from year to year, but you can't be prettier year after year. Hence from the viewpoint of economics, I am an appreciation asset, and you are a depreciation asset. It's not just normal depreciation, but exponential depreciation. If that is your only asset, your value will be much worried 10 years later.

By the terms we use in Wall Street, every trading has a position, dating with you is also a "trading position". If the trade value dropped we will sell it and it is not a good idea to keep it for long term - same goes with the marriage that you wanted. It might be cruel to say this, but in order to make a wiser decision any assets with great depreciation value will be sold or "leased". Anyone with over $500k annual income is not a fool; we would only date you, but will not marry you. I would advice that you forget looking for any clues to marry a rich guy. And by the way, you could make yourself to become a rich person with $500k annual income. This has better chance than finding a rich fool.

Hope this reply helps. If you are interested in "leasing" services, do contact me...

signed,

CEO

J.P. Morgan

2009-10-02T00:52:00.000+05:30

Click the below link and have REAL life fun:

Tiger & Monkey Fight (Funny)

Keep your Mouth shut

2009-05-19T00:26:00.001+05:30

Once upon a time, there was a software engineer who used to develop programs on his Pentium machine, sitting under a tree on the banks of a river. He used to earn his bread by selling those programs in the Sunday market.

One day, while he was working, his machine tumbled off the table and fell in the river. Encouraged by the Panchatantra story of his childhood (the woodcutter and the axe), he started praying to the River Goddess.

The River Goddess wanted to test him and so appeared only after one month of rigorous prayers. The engineer told her that he had lost his computer in the river.

As usual, the Goddess wanted to test his honesty. She showed him a match box and asked, "Is this your computer?" Disappointed by the Goddess' lack of computer awareness, the engineer replied, "No."

She next showed him a pocket-sized calculator and asked if that was his. Annoyed, the engineer said "No, not at all!!"

Finally, she came up with his own Pentium machine and asked if it was his. The engineer, left with no option, sighed and said "Yes."

The River Goddess was happy with his honesty. She was about to give him all three items, but before she could make the offer, the engineer asked her, "Don't you know that you're supposed to show me some better computers before bringing up my own ?"

The River Goddess, angered at this, replied, "I know that, you stupid donkey! The first two things I showed you were the Trillennium and the Billennium, the latest computers from IBM!". So saying, she disappeared with
the Pentium!!
Moral: If you're not up-to-date with technology trends, it's better keep your mouth shut and let people think you're a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt . . .

Nicest thing about each other

2009-05-15T00:04:00.000+05:30

One day Maths teacher asked her students to list the names of the other students in the room on two sheets of paper, leaving a space between each name. Then she told them to think of the nicest thing they could say about each of their classmates and write it down. It took the remainder of the class period to finish their assignment, and as the students left the room, each one handed in the papers.

That Saturday, the teacher wrote down the name of each student on a separate sheet of paper, and listed what everyone else had said about that individual. On Monday she gave each student his or her list. Before long, the entire class was smiling. 'Really?' she heard whispered. 'I never knew that I meant anything to anyone!' and, 'I didn't know others liked me so much,' were most of the comments.

No one ever mentioned those papers in class again. She never knew if they discussed them after class or with their parents, but it didn't matter. The exercise had accomplished its purpose. The students were happy with themselves and one another. That group of students moved on.

Several years later, one of the students was killed in 'Kargil' war and his teacher attended the funeral of that special student. The place was packed with his friends. One by one those who loved him took a last walk. The teacher was the last one to bless. As she stood there, one of the soldiers who acted as pallbearer came up to her. 'Were you Sanjay's math teacher?' he asked. She nodded: 'yes.' Then he said: 'Sanjay talked about you a lot.'
After the funeral, most of Sanjay's former classmates were there. Sanjay's mother and father were there, obviously waiting to speak with his teacher. 'We want to show you something,' his father said, taking a wallet out of his pocket 'They found this on Sanjay when he was killed. We thought you might recognize it.'

Opening the billfold, he carefully removed two worn pieces of notebook paper that had obviously been taped, folded and refolded many times. The teacher knew without looking that the papers were the ones on which she had listed all the good things each of Sanjay's classmates had said about him.
'Thank you so much for doing that,' Sanjay's mother said. 'As you can see, Sanjay treasured it.'

All of Sanjay's former classmates started to gather around and they all still had their paper with them.

IT guys

2009-04-04T14:18:00.000+05:30

Chain eMail letters

2008-11-30T22:55:00.001+05:30

Hii... I want to thank all my dear friends and other people who haveforwarded chain letters to me in 2004, 2005, 2006, 2007 and 2008.

Because of your kindness:

I stopped drinking Coca-Cola after I found out that it's good only for removing toilet stains.

I stopped going to the movies for fear of sitting on a needle infectedwith AIDS.

I smell like a wet dog since I stopped using deodorants because they cause cancer.

I also stopped answering the phone for fear that they may ask me to dial a stupid number and then I get a phone bill from hell with callstoUganda, Singapore and Tokyo.

I also stopped drinking water outside for fear that I will getsick from the rat shit and urine.

When I go to parties, I don't look at any guy, no matter how hot sheis, for fear that she will take me to a hotel, drug me, then take mykidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.

I also donated all my savings to the Amy Bruce account.

A sick girl that was about to die in the hospital about 7,000 times. (Poor girl! she's been 7 since 1994...)

My free Nokia phone never arrived and neither did the free passes for apaid vacation to Disneyland.

Made some Hundred wishes before forwarding those Dalai Lama, GaneshVandana, Tirupathi Balaji pics etc..Now most of those "Wishes" are already married (to someone else)!

I know how important my friends are to me, I'll always remember them no matter I remember my work or not.

If ORKUT deletes my account, it doesn't matter BUT PLEASE DON'T SEND me"Orkut is deleting accounts: Due to sudden rush..." Otherwise I'll delete my E-Mail account!

IMPORTANT NOTE:
If you do not send this e-mail to at least 913760 people in the next 10seconds, a bird will shit on your head today at 6:30 p.m.

Give me a break!!
"The World Is Filled WIth Foolish Ppl And Some Think They Got Talent Too !!!"

Welcome 2008

2008-01-03T05:34:00.000+05:30

2007 is going 2 finish
Now, we need to face 2008
There may be risks involved
We may need to face roadblocks
So stay alert
Share time with friends
Jump over obstacles
With care
And caution
Face challenges
Remember to laugh
Cooperate
Discover
Make new friends
Above all...be ready for adventure
Stick together
And you will be able to go far
Very far.....
Well, not quite that far....
Always take time to smell the flowers
Don't forget to relax and enjoy
" And don't forget those who likes u very much " Wish you a very happy and cheerful Year 2008

LUV DIES B'COZ...........

2007-12-24T05:05:00.000+05:30

Once upon a time there was an island, where all the feelings lived...............

1day there was storm in the sea and island was abt to get drown............
every feeling was scared but, LOVE made a boat 2 escape..........
every feeling boarded d boat.......
1 feeling was left.........

LOVE got down 2 see who it was........... it was EGO........
LOVE tried n tried but EGO wasn't moving, ........
and also the water was rising.........
everyone asked LOVE 2 leave him n cum on boat......but LOVE was made to love.........

At last, it died with EGO on that island..............

LOVE DIES B'COZ OF EGO....................

Dekho ek SOftware Engineer Ja raha hai

2007-12-24T03:41:00.001+05:30

Simple or defficult question?

2007-10-07T21:31:00.000+05:30

In an interview, interviewer said "I shall either ask you ten easy questions or one really difficult question.Think well before you make up your mind!"

A boy thought for a while and said, "my choice is one really difficult question."
"Well, good luck to you, you have made your own choice! Now tell me this.
"What comes first, Day or Night?"

The boy was jolted into reality as his admission depends on the correctness of his answer, but he thought for a while and said, "It's the DAY sir!"

"How" the interviewer asked.

"Sorry sir, you promised me that you will not ask me a SECOND difficult question!"

Born or Downloaded - doubt...

2007-10-07T20:04:00.000+05:30

The woman in your life...

2007-10-07T20:01:00.001+05:30

Tomorrow you may get a working woman, but you should marry with these facts as well.

Here is a girl, who is as much educated as you are.

Who is earning almost as much as you do.

One, who has dreams and aspirations just as you have because she is as human as you are.

One, who has never entered the kitchen in her life just like you or your Sister haven't, as she was busy in studies and competing in a system that gives no special concession to girls for their culinary achievements

One, who has lived and loved her parents & brothers & sisters, almost as much as you do for 20-25 years of her life;

One, who has bravely agreed to leave behind all that, her home, people who love her, to adopt your home, your family, your ways and even your family name

One, who is somehow expected to be a master-chef from day #1, while you sleep oblivious to her predicament in her new circumstances, environment and that kitchen

One, who is expected to make the tea, first thing in the morning and cook food at the end of the day, even if she is as tired as you are, maybe more, and yet never ever expected to complain; to be a servant, a cook, a mother, a wife, even if she doesn't want to; and is learning just like you are as to what you want from her; and is clumsy and sloppy at times and knows that you won't like it if she is too demanding, or if she learns faster than you;

One, who has her own set of friends, and that includes boys and even men at her workplace too, those, who she knows from school days and yet is willing to put all that on the back-burners to avoid your irrational jealousy, unnecessary competition and your inherent insecurities;

Yes, she can drink and dance just as well as you can, but won't, simply because you won't like it, even though you say otherwise

One, who can be late from work once in a while when deadlines, just like yours, are to be met;

One, who is doing her level best and wants to make this most important relationship in her entire life a grand success, if you just help her some and trust her;

One, who just wants one thing from you, as you are the only one she knows in your entire house - your unstinted support, your sensitivities and most importantly - your understanding, or love, if you may call it.

But not many guys understand this...

An alternative keyboard in Windows!!!!!!!!!

2007-10-07T19:55:00.000+05:30

In case your keyboard or some keys stop working Microsoft provides you with an alternative way to type in using the mouse.

To work this tool:
- go to Start menu then
- Select Run
- Type in OSK
- Press OK

A keyboard will appear that you can use both in Arabic and English and to switch between Arabic and English just press the Shift key and choose the letter.

Corporate language !!

2007-09-27T08:00:00.000+05:30

"We will do it"
means
" You will do it"

"You have done a great job"
means
"More work to be given to you"

"We are working on it"
means
"We have not yet started working on the same"

"Tomorrow first thing in the morning"
means
"Its not getting done...
At least not tomorrow !".

"After discussion we will decide - I am very open to views"
means
"I have already decided, I will tell you what to do"

"There was a slight mis-communication"
means
"We had actually lied"

"Lets call a meeting and discuss"
means
"I have no time now, will talk later"

"We can always do it"
means
"We actually cannot do the same on time"

"We are on the right track but there needs to be a slight extension of the deadline"
means
"The project is screwed up, we cannot deliver on time."

"We had slight differences of opinion"
means
"We had actually fought"

"Make a list of the work that you do and let's see how I can help you"
means
"Anyway you have to find a way out no help from me"

"You should have told me earlier"
means
"Well even if you told me earlier that would have made hardly any difference!"

"We need to find out the real reason"
means
"Well I will tell you where your fault is"

"Well... family is important, your leave is always granted. Just ensure that the work is not affected"
means
"Well you know..."

"We are a team"
means
"I am not the only one to be blamed"

"That's actually a good question"
means
"I do not know anything about it"

"All the Best"
means
" You are in trouble"

Stronger Rupee = Stronger India (email comments on current rupee value 39.7x against dollar)

2007-09-22T08:49:00.001+05:30

Let me ask a question first.

What type of economic strength is preferable to India?

A strong Indian economy fueled by its cheap labor due to a weaker rupee against dollar, where the Indians end up working in shifts, late nights, whole nights and what not... only doing low profile jobs which foreign companies want to offload toIndia, so that they can concentrate on high end works and become even better. For instance in IT field, providing BPO services, support and maintenance work for products...

A strong Indian economy fueled by its strong innovations and products, no matter whether the rupee is strong or weak against dollar.. where Indians work only in regular office hours of 9 to 6, developing cutting edge technologies and solutions,selling our world class products both inside and outside India. For instance in IT field, imagine operating systems, compilers, databases etc all coming out of India ..

I do not deny the fact that the IT boom in India came to a large extent because of (A). Well and good, we have had the benefits of our cost being cheap in western markets due to a weak rupee against dollar.. We have had our share because of this advantage in the past 2 decades..

But at the same time doesn't it make sense to move towards (B),instead of crying foul against rupee becoming stronger against dollar?

What a pity! Indian IT companies are feeling bad because rupee is becoming stronger against dollar! Reason, their profits will go down when the value of rupee is stronger, as every single dollar that comes into their account now means lesser rupee than earlier..(if for instance earlier they used to get 47 rupees for every dollar that comes in, but today its about 40!)

But isn't this a matter of celebration? Our rupee is gaining importance internationally and is becoming stronger again ..How many of us know that in 1947 when India got independence Rupee was 1.2 US dollars?

These Indian IT companies instead of relying on a weaker rupee for their profit should now look at coming out with innovative products and technical solutions. What have these companies done in the arena of core system products? Why don't we have any operating systems, compilers, database systems, development platforms etc coming out of India ? Why don't we develop tools like photoshop or flash? We have talent, but they all are working in American companies on these products...

Can't our Indian IT companies setup at least small teams to develop such products? Instead they are planning to make their employees work on saturdays too! So that their profits can increase due to extra hours the employees put in... As if India doesn't have any other option other than cheap labor, workaholic labor!! Are there no brains in India who can setup companies developing products and make money just by printing out more serial numbers and burning their product DVDs?

If Indian companies continue to depend on its weak currency, then how would Indian economy survive in a world where all currencies have equal value? Survival of the fittest... Only greater innovation can help us in that case... We need to have knowledge and technological advantage if India wants to become a superpower, not low cost based cheap labor advantage! Let the Chinese do it...

I hope that rupee becomes more and stronger so that Indians are forced to use their brains and come up with innovative products and next generation technologies, than to provide low end services... We need to create a situation where other countries line up to buy our F-16s, to buy our operating systems, to buy our mobile phones and I-pods, to buy our Boeing, to buy our Mercedes... "

A stronger rupee means we can easily afford foreign trips!"A stronger rupee means Indians can buy things anywhere in the world on par with developed economies! We don't have to spend crores of rupees then to buy a Boeing! We don't have to pay tens of thousands of rupees for international air travels! Astronger rupee means greater international exposure! There won't be a difference between buying a Maruti and buying a Mercedes! One can go on a trip to the Grand Canyon just like the way one goes to Ladakh or Nepal ! How do you thinkAmericans are able to tour all over the world? Because they earn more? No. But because their currency USD is stronger...

And this is where a strong rupee will lead us to! "I am not saying providing low end services are wrong... It gave us a very good start in the 90s. But that should definitelynot be the bread and butter fueling our economic boom indefinitely in the future... For the simple reason that it can't continue to do so any longer... other low cost destinations, cheaper than India are already coming up in the world... Let us moveahead... become more innovative... the journey has just started...

This is just the beginning of all the beginnings.

Height of using Microsoft Windows

2007-09-12T07:32:00.000+05:30

Never ask a question in court if an answer is not prepared

2007-08-31T08:03:00.002+05:30

Why Lawyers should never ask a witness a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.....

In a trial, a small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand. The witness was grand motherly, elderly woman.

He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"

She responded, "Why, yes I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you".

The Lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, Do you know the defence attorney?"

She again replied, "Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three women, one of them was your wife. Yes, I know him." The defense attorney almost died.

The judge asked both counsellors to approach the bench, and in a very quiet voice, said, "If either of you bastards asks her if she knows me, I'll throw you in jail for contempt.

Self appraisal

2007-07-15T12:40:00.001+05:30

A little boy went into a drug store, reached for a soda carton and pulled it over to the telephone. He climbed onto the carton so that he could reach the buttons on the phone and proceeded to punch in seven digits. The store-owner observed and listened to the conversation:

The boy asked, "Lady, Can you give me the job of cutting your lawn?

The woman replied, "I already have someone to cut my lawn."

"Lady, I will cut your lawn for half the price of the person who cuts your lawn now." replied boy. The woman responded that she was very satisfied with the person who was presently cutting her lawn.

The little boy found more perseverance and offered, "Lady, I'll even sweep your curb and your sidewalk, so on Sunday you will have the prettiest lawn in all of Palm beach, Florida".

Again the woman answered in the negative.

With a smile on his face, the little boy replaced the receiver. The store-owner, who was listening to all, walked over to the boy and said, "Son... I like your attitude; I like that positive spirit and would like to offer you a job."

The little boy replied, "No thanks, I was just checking my performance with the job I already have. I am the one who is working for that lady, I was talking to!"

Prayer of this generation

2007-07-15T12:38:00.000+05:30

hey krishna tu is kalyug mai aa kar to dikha?
tune 18 saal ki umar me mama kans ko mara,
BIN LADEN ko hath laga kar to dikha?
tune pura parvat ek ungli par uthayamere
gym me aa kar ek dumbell utha ke to dikha?
tune bhari mehfil me draupadi ko saree pehnai,
mallika ko ek jodi kapde pehna ke to dikha?
tune gokul ki 1600 gopia saath me patai,
mere company ki ek ladki pata kar to dikha?
tune Arjun ko to Saari Geeta sunayee,
mere Team Lead se baat kar ke to Dikha?
tune to Arjun ka Sarathi banke Pandavon ko jitaaya
India Cricket team ka Coach ban ke WorldCup jitaake to dikha?
he krishna tu is kalyug mai aa kar to dikha?

Cartoons

2007-07-15T12:03:00.000+05:30

Not done a thing a day

Sardar ji is back

2007-07-15T11:52:00.002+05:30

Once a sardar calls another sardar on the phone and says "Hi, Main Bol Raha Hoon".

The other sardar replies "Kamaal Hain, Ithe Vi Main Bol Raha Hoon!"

Sardarji calls Air India.

'How long does it take to fly to Amritsar?''

Just a sec,' says the customer service assistant.

'Thank you.' says the Sardarji and hangs up.

Santa Singh goes to a TV shop and asks, 'Aap ke paas color TV haikya?

''Haan' replies shop owner.

Santa Singh says, 'Ek hara vala dena!'

The Titanic is going to be drowned.... Everybody in the ship is shouting, crying, running or praying to God... Just then a Italian asks the nearby Sardarji in the ship.

Italian : How far is land, from here?

Sardarji : Two miles.

Italian : Only two miles, Then why are these fools making noise. I have got the experience of swimming even more.

The Italian jumps off the ship into the sea and comes up to the layer to ask something again.
Italian : Just tell me which side, is land two miles from here ?
Sardarji : Downwards......

Aaj Tak gets news that 100 sardars are killed in a train accident atAmritsar station. Only one sardar left alive.
The correspondent goes to him and asks, "Sardarji how did it happen?

Sardar: "Oh ji pucho mat. sab kuch sahi tha sab log platform par khade gaadi ki wait kar rahe they. Achanak announcement hui ki shatabd eeexpress 2 no. platform par aa rahi hai. Jaise hi sab ne suna ki gaddi PLATFORM PAR aa rahi hai, sab log apni jaan bachane ke liye patri parkood gaye. Aur tabhi gaddi patri par aa gayi."
Aaj tak: "Thank god. Aap ne samajhdari dikhayee. Aap patri par nahin koode."
Sardar: "oe nahin ji main to suicide karne ke liye patri par hi letatha. Jaise hi announcement hui main to platform par chad gaya."

Speech by Thomas Friedman of The New York Times....

2007-07-15T11:37:00.001+05:30

When we were young kids growing up in America, we were told to eat our vegetables at dinner and not leave them.

Mother said, 'think of the starving children in India and finish the dinner.'

And now I tell my children: 'Finish your maths homework. Think of the children in India who would make you starve, if you don't.'

Sardar joke - deaf

2007-07-15T11:22:00.001+05:30

Sardar goes to his doctor and complains that his wife is getting deaf. The doctor asks him to confirm and convince himself before getting his wife over to the doctor. Amba goes home and finds his wife is cooking dinner in the kitchen.

He goes and stands 20 feet behind her and asks her , "What are wehaving for Dinner?"

No Answer.

He walks another 5 feet towards his wife and asks her the same question again.

No answer.

He moves even further and is 1 feet away from his wife and asks ," What are you cooking for dinner?"

No answer.

Almost convinced, he finally walks very close to his wife and standing next to her asks the same question again.

The wife says "This is the fourth time I am telling you , I am cooking Chicken........!"

Where to tap

2007-07-15T11:13:00.001+05:30

Ever heard the story of the giant ship engine that failed?

The ship's owners tried one expert after another, but none of them could figure but how to fix the engine. Then they brought in an old man who had been fixing ships since he was a youngster. He carried a large bag of tools with him, and when he arrived, he immediately went to work.

He inspected the engine very carefully, top to bottom. Two of the ship's owners were there, watching this man, hoping he would know what to do. After looking things over, the old man reached into his bag and pulled out a small hammer. He gently tapped something.

Instantly, the engine lurched into life. He carefully put his hammer away. The engine was fixed! A week later, the owners received a bill from the old man for ten thousand dollars. "What?!" the owners exclaimed. "He hardly did anything!" So they wrote the old man a note saying, "Please send us an itemized bill."

The man sent a bill that read:

Tapping with a hammer ......................... $ 2.00

Knowing where to tap ............................. $ 9998.00

Effort is important, but knowing where to make an effort in your life makes all the difference.

In case ur keyboard does not work - An alternative keyboard...

2007-07-15T11:11:00.000+05:30

An alternative keyboard in Windows:

In case your keyboard or some keys stop workingMicrosoft provides you with an alternative way to type in using the mouse

To work this tool go to Start menu
Then Select Run
Type in OSK
Press Enter

A On Screen Keyboard will appear that you can use.
And to switch between Arabic and English just press the Shift key and choose the letter.

Salary overpaid by Rs. 2.00

2007-07-15T10:55:00.000+05:30

A man goes to get his salary cheque and when he opens it he discovers that his employer has overpaid him by Rs.200.
He decides not to tell anybody and keeps quiet.

At the end of the following month when he opens the cheque, he sees that he's been underpaid by Rs.200. Fuming, he goes to have it out with his employer.
'Sir,I think you've made a mistake on my cheque.'
And how do you figure that? his employer asks.
It seems I've been underpaid by Rs.200.
'Yes, so?'
No disrespect Sir, but I want my money.
'Last month I overpaid you by Rs.200 and you didn't complain so why now?

Well Sir, I don't mind if you make a mistake once but if it becomes a habit I have to say something' :-)

Laugh :-)

2007-07-15T10:50:00.000+05:30

Teacher asked : Mogals ruled from where to where?
Sararji says: From history book page 12 to 26.

Once some one sent SMS to sardar " Sender is cool and reader is fool"
Sardar got angry and replied " Sender is fool and reader is cool"

What is the difference between Secretary & Personal Secretary?
Secretary says "good morning sir" and Personal Secretary says " It's morning sir"

Mahabharat doubt!!!

2007-07-15T10:47:00.000+05:30

In some remote village of India, one masterji is teaching the Mahabharat katha to class 6 students. He is at the Krishnajanma part of it.

Masterji: "Kans heard the akashwani that his sister's 8th child is going to kill him. He was furious. He ordered to put Vasudev and Devki behind the bars. First son is born, and Kansa kills him by poisoning... Second one is born and Kansa throws him off the mountain peak. Third one is born..."

Now Raju, who is smartest of the lot, puts up his hand.

Raju : Masterji, I have a doubt (sounding nervous n confused)

Masterji: "Raju bete, the whole of India does not have doubt in mahabharata, how come you have one?"

Raju : Masterji, if Kansa knew that Devki's 8th child was going to Kill him, WHY THE HELL DID HE PUT VASUDEV AND DEVAKI IN THE SAME JAIL?

Spirit of Friendship

2007-07-15T10:42:00.001+05:30

Horror gripped the heart of a World War-I soldier, as he saw his Lifelong friend fall in battle. The soldier asked his Lieutenant if he could go out to bring his fallen comrade back.

"You can go," said the Lieutenant," but don't think it will be worth it. Your friend is probably dead and you may throw your life away. "

The Lieutenant's words didn't matter, and the soldier went anyway. Miraculously, he managed to reach his friend, hoisted him onto his shoulder and brought him back to their company's trench. The officer checked the wounded soldier, then looked kindly at his friend.

"I told you it wouldn't be worth it," he said. "Your friend is dead and you are mortally wounded."

"It was worth it, Sir," said the soldier.

"What do you mean by worth it?" responded the Lieutenant.

"Your friend is dead." "Yes Sir," the soldier answered, "but it was worth it because when I got to him, he was still alive and I had the satisfaction of hearing him say...."Jim...I knew you'd come."

Many times in life, whether a thing is worth doing or not, really depends on how u look at it. Take up all your courage and do something your heart tells you to do so that you may not regret not doing it later in your life........

"Let the spirit of friendship in us not die. "

Sardar joke - pic

2007-07-15T10:38:00.000+05:30

American Culture

2007-07-15T10:34:00.000+05:30

Wife comes out screaming to her husband.

"Look honey stop them, your childern and my chilren are beating up our children"

Go to school

2007-07-15T10:23:00.000+05:30

One Early morning a mother went to her sleeping son and woke him up.

MOM : "Wake up, son. It's time to go to school."
SON : "But why, Mama? I don't want to go to school."
MOM : "Give me two reasons why you don't want to go to school."
SON : "One, all the children hate me. Two, all the teachers hate me."
MOM : "Oh! that's not a reason. Come on, you have to go to school."
SON : "Give me two good reasons WHY I *should* go to school?"
MOM : "One, you are FORTY-FIVE years old and should understand your responsibilities. Two, you are the PRINCIPAL of the school.

AN INSPIRING CHAT WITH GOD

2007-07-15T09:58:00.002+05:30

God: Hello. Did you call me?

Me: Called you? No.. Who is this?

God: This is GOD. I heard your prayers. So I thought I'd chat with you.

Me: I do pray. Just makes me feel good. I am actually busy now. I am in the midst of something...

God: What are you busy at? Ants are busy too.

Me: Don't know. But I can't find free time. Life has become hectic. It's rush hour all the time.

God: Sure. Activity gets you busy. But productivity gets you results. Activity consumes time. Productivity frees it.

Me: I understand. But I still can't figure it out. By the way, I was not expecting YOU to buzz me on instant messaging chat.

God: Well I wanted to resolve your fight for time, by giving you someclarity. In this net era, I wanted to reach you through the medium you are comfortable with.

Me: Tell me, why has life become complicated now?

God: Stop analyzing life. Just live it. Analysis is what makes it complicated.

Me: why are we then constantly unhappy?

God: Your today is the tomorrow that you worried about yesterday. You are worrying because you are analyzing. Worrying has become your habit. That's why you are not happy.

Me: But how can we not worry when there is so much uncertainty?

God: Uncertainty is inevitable, but worrying is optional.

Me: But then, there is so much pain due to uncertainty.

God: Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional.

Me: If suffering is optional, why do good people always suffer?

God: Diamond cannot be polished without friction. Gold cannot be purified without fire. Good people go through trials, but don't suffer. With that experience their life becomes better not bitter.

Me: You mean to say such experience is useful?

God: Yes. In every terms, experience is a hard teacher. She gives the test first and the lessons afterwards.

Me: But still, why should we go through such tests? Why can't we be free from problems?

God: Problems are Purposeful Roadblocks Offering Beneficial Lessons (to) Enhance Mental Strength. Inner strength comes from struggle and endurance, not when you are free from problems.

Me: Frankly in the midst of so many problems, we don't know where weare heading.

God: If you look outside you will not know where you are heading. Look inside. Looking outside, you dream. Looking inside, you awaken. Eyes provide sight. Heart provides insight.

Me: Sometimes not succeeding fast seems to hurt more than moving inthe right direction. What should I do?

God: Success is a measure as decided by others. Satisfaction is ameasure as decided by you. Knowing the road ahead is more satisfying than knowing you rode ahead. You work with the compass. Let others work with the clock.

Me: In tough times, how do you stay motivated?

God: Always look at how far you have come rather than how far you have to go. Always count your blessing, not what you are missing.

Me: What surprises you about people?

God: When they suffer they ask, "why me?" When they prosper, they never ask "Why me" Everyone wishes to have truth on their side, but few want to be on the side of the truth.

Me: Sometimes I ask, who I am, why am I here. I can't get the answer.

God: Seek not to find who you are, but to determine who you want to be. Stop looking for a purpose as to why you are here. Create it. Life is not a process of discovery but a process of creation.

Me: How can I get the best out of life?

God: Face your past without regret. Handle your present with confidence. Prepare for the future without fear.

Me: One last question. Sometimes I feel my prayers are not answered.

God: There are no unanswered prayers... At times the answer is NO.

Me: Thank you for this wonderful chat. I am so happy to start the day with a new sense of inspiration.

God: Well. Keep the faith and drop the fear. Don't believe your doubts and doubt your beliefs. Life is a mystery to solve, not a problem to resolve. Trust me. Life is wonderful if you know how to live.

Who Said That?

2007-07-15T09:48:00.001+05:30

It is near the end of the school year. The teacher has turned in the grades and there is really nothing more to do. All the children are restless because of this.

Teacher: "Whoever answers the questions I ask first and correctly can leave early today."

Little Johnny says to himself- "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart and will answer the question."

Teacher: "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?" Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln."

Teacher: "That's right Susie, you can go home."

Johnny is MAD that Susie answered the question first.

Teacher: "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?" Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, "Martin Luther King."

Teacher: "That's right Mary, you can go."

Johnny is even madder than before.

Teacher: "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?" Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, "John F. Kennedy."

Teacher: "That's right Nancy, you may also leave."

Johnny is BOILING mad that he has not been able to answer to any of the questions.

When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, "I wish these bitches would keep their mouths shut!"

The teacher turns around: "NOW WHO SAID THAT?!?!"

Johnny: "BILL CLINTON. CAN I GO NOW?"

One defficult question

2007-07-15T09:39:00.000+05:30

This happened during the interview rounds of IIM (A) for the class of 2004........

Interviewer said "I shall either ask you ten easy questions or one really difficult question. Think well before you make up your mind!"
A boy thought for a while and said, "my choice is one really difficult question."
"Well, good luck to you,you have made your own choice! Now tell me this.

"What comes first, Day or Night?"

The boy was jolted into reality as his admission depends on the correctness of his answer, but he thought for a while and said, "It's the DAY sir!"
"How" the interviewer asked."
Sorry sir, you promised me that you will not ask me a SECOND difficult question!

"He was selected for IIM!"

Technical Skill is the mastery of complexity, while Creativity is the master of simplicity.

Sardar joke - copy/paste

2007-07-15T09:37:00.000+05:30

One Sardar happens to be smartest among all other sardars, Once wanted to transfer some files form one PC to another PC.

Following was the steps followed by him:
1)Right clicked the mouse on the file which he wanted to transfer and selected cut option.
2)Disconnected the mouse from that PC
3)Took that mouse carefully and connected it to the other PC where he wanted to copy that file
4) And trying to paste it there....!!!!!!!!!

Balle Balle....

Which one r u ?

2007-07-15T09:32:00.001+05:30

A tourist walked into a pet shop and was looking at the animals ondisplay.

While he was there, another customer walked in and said to theshopkeeper, "I'll have a C monkey please. "The shopkeeper nodded, went over to a cage at the side of the shop andtook out a monkey. He fit a collar and leash, handed it to the customer, saying, that'll be $5000." The customer paid and walked out with his monkey.

Startled, the tourist went over to the shopkeeper and said, "That was a very expensive monkey. Why did it cost so much?"

The shopkeeper answered, "Ah, that monkey can program in C very fast,tight code, no bugs, well worth the money."

The tourist looked at the monkey in another cage. "That one's evenmore expensive! $10,000! What does it do?""

Oh, that one's a C++ monkey;it can manage object-oriented programming, Visual C++, even some Java. All the really useful stuff," said the shopkeeper.

The tourist looked around for a little longer and saw a third monkeyin a cage of its own. The price tag around its neck read $50,000.

He gasped to the shopkeeper, "That one costs more than all the otherput together! What on earth does it do?"

The shopkeeper replied,"Well, I haven't actually seen it doing anything,but the other monkeys call him the project manager."

That's mother

2007-07-15T09:17:00.001+05:30

When you were 1 year old, she fed you and bathed you.
You thanked her by crying all night long.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
When you were 2 years old, she taught you to walk.
You thanked her by running away when she called.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
When you were 3 years old, she made all your meals with Love.
You thanked her by tossing the plate on the floor.

------------------------------------------------------------------------
When you were 4 years old, she gave you some crayons.
You thanked her by coloring the dining room table.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
When you were 5, she dressed you for the holidays.
You thanked her by plopping into the nearest.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
When you were 6, she walked you to school.
You thanked her by screaming, IM NOT GOING!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
When you were 7, she bought you a x-udball.
You thanked her by throwing it through the next-door-neighbors window.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
When you were 8, she handed you an ice-cream.
You thanked her by dripping it all over her lap.
------------------------------------------------------------------------

When you were 9, she paid for piano lessons.
You thanked her by never even bothering it to practice.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
When you were 10 years old, she drove you all day,from soccer to
gymnastics to one birthday party to another.
You thanked her by jumping out of the car and never looking back.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
When you were 11, she took you and your friends to the movies.
You thanked her by asking her to sit in adifferent row.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
When you were 12, she warned you not to watchcertain TV shows.
You thanked her by waiting until she left the house.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
When you were 13, she suggested a haircut.
You thanked her by telling her she had no taste.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
When you were 14, she paid a month away at the summer camp.
You thanked her by forgetting to write a single letter.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
When you were 15, she came from work, looking fora hug.
You thanked her by having your bedroom door locked.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
When you were 16, she taught you how to drive a car.
You thanked her by taking every chance you could.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
When you were 17, she was expecting an important call.
You thanked her by being on the phone all the night.
------------------------------------------------------------------------

When you were 18, she cried at your high school graduation.
You thanked her by staying out partying until dawn.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
When you were 19, she paid for your college tuition, drove you to
campus
carried your bags.
You thanked her by saying outside the dorm so you wouldnt be embarrassed in front of your friends.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
When you were 20, she asked you whether you are seeing anyone.
You thanked her by saying, Its none of your business.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
When you were 21, she suggested you certain careers.
You thanked her by saying, I dont want to be like you.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
When you were 22, she hugged you at your college graduation.
You thanked her by asking whether she could pay for a trip to Europe.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
When you were 23, she gave you furniture for your first apartment.
You thanked her by telling your friends it was ugly.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
When you were 24, she met your fianc and asked about plans for the
future.
You thanked her by glaring and growling,Muuhh-ther, please!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
When you were 25, she helped you to pay for your wedding.
You thanked her by moving halfway across the country.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
When you were 30, she called with some advice on the baby.
You thanked her by telling her, Things are different now.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
When you were 40, she called to remind you of a relative ' s birthday.
You thanked her by saying you were really busy right now.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
When you were 50, she fell ill and needed you to take care of her.
You thanked her by reading about the burden parents become to their children.

------------------------------------------------------------------------
And then, one day, she quietly died. And everything you never did came
crashing down like thunder on YOUR HEART.
IF SHES STILL AROUND, NEVER FORGET TO LOVE HER MORE THAN EVER. AND IF SHES NOT, REMEMBER HER UNCONDITIONAL LOVE AND PASS IT ON. ALWAYS REMEMBER TO LOVE THY MOTHER, BECAUSE YOU ONLY HAVE ONE MOTHER IN YOUR LIFETIME

Thodi si bewafai...

2007-07-15T09:09:00.000+05:30

Chat and work in IT

2007-07-15T08:58:00.001+05:30

Our hero chatting with some GF (heroin) on his chat. Both are s/w engrs by the way and both work for real big MNC's :)

Hero : Hey..GM.. hows u doing today?

Heroin : VGM...Day is going good and it got better having found u on chatHero : wow... honoured, u know wat, my day starts only when i find you on chatHeroin : Yep...me too feel the same..brb (be right back) 'll get some coffee.Hero : OK

(Hero waits impatiently. Meanwhile, his manager comes to his seat.)

Manager : Hey, I need some help from you

Hero : [**** This guy always comes at wrong time] Yeah tell me
Manager : Could u write a program for me which generates nth prime number, given value of n.
Would you give this by today evening?

Hero : I would do that, but i think its quite hard, is it ok with you, if i give it by tomorrow evening.

Manager : Yeah, that would be fine. Thank you [Leaves the place]

(Our hero sighs and stares at his monitor waiting impatiently for heroin to arrive.

All of a sudden smiles on his face. Over to chat window...)

Heroin : Hey, am back

Hero : cool, you know what my manager, he's kinda keeps asking stupid things, tries to give me stupid work

Heroin : Yeah, its the same everywhere. Real sick ppl these managers are!!

Hero : Yep, u rite!!

Heroin : Hey, can u do me a favour

Hero : *smiles* sure, why not.

Heroin : Hey, I want you to write me a program to print nth prime number,given N.
Would you give that to me by tomorrow evening? plzzz. You know its real urgent for me to work this out :)

Hero : hey, thats a one-hour's work. Sure check ur mail in an hour from now. ok?

Heroin : WASTE-FELLOW, THAT WAS THE SAMETHING I ASKED U WHEN I CAME TO YOUR WORK PLACE. YOU KNOW WHO I AM NOW!! YOUR 1 HOUR TIME STARTS NOW!!

Men r simpler than the Women !!!

2007-07-15T08:35:00.002+05:30

HER DIARY:

Day night, I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a cafe to have some coffee. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment.

Conversation wasn't flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk, he agreed but he kept quiet and absent.

I asked him what was wrong - he said, "Nothing."

I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry. On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior; I don't know why he didn't say, "I love you, too." When we got home I felt as if I had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there and watched TV; he seemed distant and absent. Finally I decided to go to bed. About 10 minutes later he came to bed. I decided that I could not take it anymore, so I decided to confront him with the situation but he had fallen asleep. I started crying and cried until I too fell asleep. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.

HIS DIARY:

Today India lost the cricket match. DAMN IT.

HR Manager - heaven/hell joke

2007-07-15T08:18:00.001+05:30

One day while walking down the street a highly successful Human Resources Manager was tragically hit by a bus and she died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself.

"Welcome to Heaven," said St. Peter.

"Before you get settled in though, it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we've never once had a Human Resources Manager make it this far and we're not really sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in," said the woman.

"Well, I'd like to, but I have higher orders. What we're going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in."

"Actually, I think I've made up my mind, I prefer to stay in Heaven", said the woman

"Sorry, we have rules..."

And with that St. Peter put the executive in an elevator and it went down-down-down to hell. The doors opened and she found herself stepping out onto the putting green of a beautiful golf course. In the distance was a country club and standing in fron! t of her were all her friends - fellow executives that she had worked with and they were well dressed in evening gowns and cheering for her. They ran up and kissed her on both cheeks and they talked about old times. They played an excellent round of golf and at night went to the country club where she enjoyed an excellent steak and lobster dinner. She met the Devil who was actually a really nice guy (kind of cute) and she had a great time telling jokes and dancing. She was having such a good time that before she knew it, it was time to leave.

Everybody shook her hand and waved goodbye as she got on the elevator. The elevator went up-up-up and opened back up at the Pearly Gates and found St.Peter waiting for her.

"Now it's time to spend a day in heaven," he said.

So she spent the next 24 hours lounging around on clouds and playing the harp and singing. She had great time and before she knew it her 24 hours were up and St. Peter came and got her.

"So, you've spent a day in hell and you've spent a day in heaven. Now you must choose your eternity,"

The woman paused for a second and then replied, "Well, I never thought I'd say this, I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I think I had a better time in Hell."

So St. Peter escorted her to the elevator and again she wentdown-down-down back to Hell.

When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standing in a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. She saw her friends were dressed in rags and were picking up the garbage and putting it in sacks. The Devil came up to her and put his arm around her.

"I don't understand," stammered the woman, "yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we danced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland of garbage and all my friends look miserable."

The Devil looked at her smiled and told...

" Yesterday we were recruiting you, today you're an Employee. ."

Love and marriage

2007-07-15T03:56:00.004+05:30

A student asks a teacher: What is love?

The teacher said: in order to answer your question, go to the paddy field and choose the biggest paddy and come back.

But the rule is:

You can go through them only once and can't turn back to pick. The student went to the field, go thru first row, he saw one big paddy, but he wonders.... may be there is a bigger one later. Then he saw another bigger one... but may be there is an even bigger one waiting for him. Later, when he finished more than half of the paddy field, he start to realize that the paddy is not as big as the previous one he saw, he know he has missed the biggest one, and he regretted. So, he ended up went back to the teacher with empty hand.

The teacher told him, this is love... you keep looking for a better one, but when later you realize, you have already miss the person.

Student asked: What is marriage then?

The teacher said: In order to answer your question, go to the corn field and choose the biggest corn and come back.

But the rule is:

You can go through them only once and cannot turn back to pick. The student went to the corn field, this time he is careful not to repeat the previous mistake, when he reach the middle of the field, he has picked one medium corn that he feel satisfied, and came back to the teacher. The teacher told him, this time you bring back a corn.... you look for one that is just nice, and you have faith and believe this is the best one you get....

this is marriage.

God’s Coffee

2007-04-07T02:12:00.001+05:30

A group of alumni, highly established in their careers, got together to visit their old university professor. Conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in work and life.

Offering his guests coffee, the professor went to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups--porcelain, plastic, glass, crystal, some plain, some expensive, some exquisite-- telling them to help themselves to the coffee.

When all the students had a cup of coffee in hand, the professor said: "If you noticed, all the nice-looking, expensive cups were taken, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones.

While it is normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress. Be assured that the cup itself adds no quality to the coffee. In most cases, it is just more expensive and in somecases even hides what we drink. What all of you really wanted was coffee, not the cup, but you consciously went for the best cups… and then you began eyeing each other's cups.

Now consider this: Life is the coffee; the jobs, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain Life, and the type of cup we have does not define nor change the quality of Life we live. Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee God has provided us." God brews the coffee, not the cups . . . Enjoy your coffee!

The happiest people don't HAVE the best of everything. They just MAKE the best of everything they have.